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8 Things You Will Live to Regret

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1. The Mercy Jump

Your buddies have pulled all her pretty friends, and it’s almost closing time. She’s slouching at the bar, with that Jagerbomb resting on her muffin-top. True, she looks like Shamu with a drink problem, but she seems sad and you’re a bit horny, so where’s the harm? Nobody’s ever going to know, are they?

Yeah, right. You’ll be on her Facebook page before the sheets are dry.

2. Dressing As A Woman

All those camera phones uploading your shame to YouTube. An impromptu Gay Pride march at one end of town, and a Shaggy concert at the other.

Just exactly how sure were you that it was Rocky Horror night?

3. Sleeping With A Colleague

You share a desk. You get on well. You flirt. You meet for a drink after class. You end up in bed. You go out together for two months. You break up – badly.

You share a desk…

4. Watching Any RomCom Movie

No matter how much you want to get into her pants, the rewards will never outweigh the pain. Whether it’s four menopausal gold-digging whores, or absolutely anything involving Hugh Grant, it’s two hours of life you’re not getting back.

5. Sponsoring A Child

By committing this act of kindness you’ll achieve short-term gratification from helping someone less fortunate than yourself. Unfortunately, you’re also dropping your pants to the largest junk mail network on the planet. Before long you’ll be saving pandas, building wells and pimping the rides of African dictators.

6. Getting Back With An Ex

There was a very good reason why you both split up in the first place. Guess what? It’s still there.

7. Buying A Car For Less Than $500

In the bar, it sounded great – all that cash wasted on public transport, turned into an awesome set of wheels. But that drunken dream failed to take into account gas money, insurance and a transmission that sounds like Sharon Osbourne on Marlboros. Hope you’re not planning to eat next year.

8. Getting A Tattoo Of Girlfriend’s Name

You love beer and Dominos unconditionally and forever, yet their names aren’t painfully needled into your ass. So, with more than two-thirds of relationships doomed to fail, why condemn yourself to a string of future girlfriends named Bambi?

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